Recounting this episode, Billie sat cross-legged on the living-room couch at Finneas’s house, mashing her mismatched Air Jordan 1s into the cushions. “It became this huge thing, and I locked myself in my room, and I was in there, just drawing on my wall.” And Finneas said, I don’t want to write a song about you killing yourself and how that’s everything you wanted!” Her parents caught wind of the argument and, along with Finneas, grew “insanely concerned,” Billie said. A very serious step that I was admitting that I was planning on taking. But it was me admitting to something that was very serious about my depression.
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I don’t know how to put it without actually saying it, and I don’t want to actually say it. It wasn’t a physical thing I was admitting. “Because I admitted something that I was, uh. (Their parents, working actors who augmented their income with side jobs in construction and teaching, still sleep on a futon in the living room.) Finneas, facing a keyboard, listened as Billie talked about her dream, and together they figured out some chords to frame Billie’s deceptively upbeat opening line - “I had a dream I got everything I wanted.”Īs they worked on the song, though, Finneas grew increasingly uncomfortable, then angry, and finally he refused to go any further. In 2018, Finneas bought a house of his own, but his childhood bedroom, abutting Billie’s, has long been their favorite place to make music.
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They have collaborated on every piece of music she has put out, and she presented the dream to him as possible inspiration for a new song.Įilish, whose full name is Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O’Connell, was raised in a two-bedroom, 1,200-square-foot Craftsman bungalow in a modest neighborhood on Los Angeles’s east side. The next day, she approached her older brother, Finneas O’Connell, a songwriter and producer, and told him about it. “I was in a really bad place mentally,” Eilish said the dream struck her less as a nightmare than as a grimly alluring fantasy. What was most alarming about it, as she looked back, was how little it alarmed her. “I jumped off a building,” she recalled recently. 4, 2018, Billie Eilish took her own life - in a dream.